The Sickness of Sin

Soul sickness plagues us all.  I am no more ill with sin now than I was before I knew Christ.  (I believe I am less ill now than before.)  The difference is that when you live with a chronic illness, when it is all you know, you do not realize the depths of your illness.  When you've been cured of it and then fall ill again, you are more aware of the ugliness of that illness.  Likewise, when you've been freed from a certain sin and then fall back into it, the sickness is awful where it had once been the norm.

In January, I was freed from the pain of a certain soul sickness.  It was actually a fairly painful process.  As those in withdrawal face the moments of yearning for their addiction, I felt the same temptation - sin calling me back into old habits.  The Spirit fights within me to keep me from it.  Twice since that day in January, I have fallen back into it.  Though not for long, thanks be to God, it throws me back into the loop - from freedom, to temptation, to sickness, healing and withdrawal.  Each time, I realize what a fool I am for toying with temptation. 

The humbling part of it all is the reminder that I am only human - a sinful woman saved only through the grace and love of God.  I boast of nothing, except Jesus Christ.  The beautiful part of it all is that these temptations have been strongest right after something remarkable has happened, some beautiful strive forward in my walk with God, some new realization or after more deeply submitting to Him.  The war that rages within - Satan once again torments me with my sin in order to keep me from that which I know to be true and from being effective in the kingdom.  And once again, he ultimately fails - poor, desperate fool that he is.  Because my God is merciful and faithful, Satan spins his pitiful wheels and though he causes me pain, I rejoice in the struggle because in his attempt to derail me, he is only a instrument in strengthening me.  Most pitiful and foolish of all is he who time and time again challenges the Almighty.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
James 1:2-4 (ESV)