"put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."
Ephesians 4:22-24
I can't tell you how much this speaks to me. I tend to complicate things. Just when I feel peace or comfort, I tend to make things more difficult. I challenge and tempt myself, and I have no explanation for it except that I am still sinful and am led away by those desires; I fall into a false sense of security - in myself.
Last night our worship team had rehearsal. I'm always so humbled by the team members. They are all so special and you can clearly see how the Spirit has worked in their lives through their humility and peace. They build one another up and there is never descent or a need to be heard or have things done their way, which is usually a classic staple of a musician. The upside is that I can trust them and rest in them; I know that things will be fine with them (musically and personally). I love spending time with them and feeling how the Spirit moves among us. It's incredible. The "downside" is that I'm never sure if I should speak because I never assume that I can offer anything more. The problem with that is that we know from the scriptures that everyone has something to offer. We are the body of Christ, each with a gift. We are specifically told not to neglect our gifts. I often feel like I'm in this very in between place - if I jump in then I wonder if maybe I shouldn't have, but if I don't, am I restraining how the Spirit is trying to use me in the group? It's very uncomfortable for me.
What I realize, and the reason this Ephesians passage speaks so loudly to me, is that I recognize my sinfulness more when I'm surrounded by my brothers and sisters in Christ. The Spirit is trying to correct my behaviors and the reason it's so uncomfortable for me is that the "deceitful desires" of the past do not fit with the holiness of the Spirit that is working in me. I am a child of God and there is no comfort in sin when I have been created in God's likeness. There is no peace when I straddle the fence and dip my toes in sin. The way I used to live was corrupt. There is no place for those things in my new life with Christ. So there is unease when it's present in my life, whether it's occuring at the moment or not. As a result of that unease due to sin, I make too much noise, I'm not listening to the Spirit, my head is foggy, my heart is heavy, I feel guilt and shame, and I battle between the momentary gratification of sin and the eternal love and peace found only in God, only in His word.
It's an obvious resolve. However, the presence of sin weighs on us all daily. It's so integrated into our lives that only the spirit of discernment can bring the truth out among the bombardment of lies. It's an exhausting journey to the end. God tells us that those who abide in Christ to the end will receive the reward. It's not an easy journey, but through suffering our faith is made perfect. Through steadfastness we attain endurance. Through the love of Christ we are sustained.
No comments:
Post a Comment