I’m deeply troubled by the hard-heartedness of someone dear to me who would say that she believes in Jesus. The bottom line is that she may believe He exists, but she certainly doesn’t know Him or believe in Him. If you talk about “religion” a wall goes up. If you say anything biblical that doesn’t fit her opinion about life or the world, she becomes resistive and even abrasive. Furthermore, for someone who says she believes in Jesus, she’s a hindrance to another’s faith – enabling her and denying or even preventing her from hearing God’s Word. It is painful to watch their wrecked lives, offer them the only thing that can truly save them, and be rejected and watch them flat out reject God.
Someone recently shared a quote with me that said something along the lines of, “Wherever the gospel goes, someone has suffered, someone has cried….” So I was reminded that this burden is part of the gospel. I feel like a complete failure in my ability to share God’s love and what God has done in my life – because walls immediately go up. I know how they see me. I remember what it was like on the other side – “religious” people were pushy and disconnected from “reality.” Some Christians or “pseudo-Christians” truly are pushy. But the truth is that for someone who is not ready to accept Christ into their life, anything that doesn’t allow them to live however they want to live - anything with “rules”, “restrictions”, “guidance” or something that challenges their way of life, suggesting that they just might be wrong - will receive blame and they will reject God’s Word. The tragedy is that they are missing out on the peace, love, grace and, ironically, the clarity they seek for their life because they don’t want to be told their wrong and certainly don’t want to change anything about the way they live or the opinion they have of the world. Pride is the root of all our sin. When we can’t even recognize just how prideful we are, we certainly can’t see that the problems lie within us.
It is awful to watch someone you love struggle so much and know that they have the answer at their fingertips. Our pride is to our own demise. Even more painful is that I know if her tongue were completely turned loose, she would insult and blame me. How could it be love to enable her to live however she wants? How is it a fault in character to speak about God? Why is that offensive, yet if I were to refer her to some self-help book that would be caring? The issue is spiritual warfare – but someone so embedded in the world cannot see that.
I sound like I blame her, and that’s not the truth of it. She is a victim of sin and Satan’s terrible efforts in her life. He has been more successful than she would care to know. But it is painful to watch. All I can do is continue to pray and trust that God will bring her into His fold in His perfect timing. I am not as patient, supreme, all-knowing or wise as our great God. It causes me to worry far more than I probably should. And it causes me to disconnect from her far too often because it is so painful and difficult. It is painful and difficult to have someone you love look at you like a pushy, know-it-all. Ironic that someone who uses far more words than I do (and so highly values the “art of debate”) would accuse me of using too many words in reference to God. Ironic that someone who lacks direction and clarity would think that I don’t and couldn’t possibly understand. It’s useless to argue these things, and so I don’t – which I’m sure only helps to solidify her opinion of me.
God has been so good in my life. I have been through this in a slightly different way before – being thought of as ignorant or arrogant (depending on the moment) by someone you love simply because they don’t understand. From that I learned that you cannot argue anything. It only creates more walls. You can only be patient, loving and present truth whenever you can. It’s very hard to do and some moments are better than others. I regret my weak moments and pray that my good moments will still resonate in some way.
I cannot see the storm for what it is, and I don’t care to know just how big of a storm it is. I cling to God – His goodness, truth and sovereignty. He will lead me through. I don’t have the strength or wisdom to do much more than that.
