"You Follow Me!"

John 21:17-22 (Jesus and Peter)
He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, "Do you love me?" and he said to him, "Lord, you know everything, you know that I love you." Jesus said to him, "Feed my sheep. Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk whereever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go." (This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.) And after saying this he said to him, "Follow me."
Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who had been reclining at table close to him and had said, "Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?" When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, "Lord, what about this man?" Jesus said to him, "If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!"

Such a personal, intimate moment with Christ. Jesus gives Peter the opportunity to redeem himself by declaring his love for him three times after he had denied him three times. Jesus tells Peter the death he will suffer - he is crucified upside down for his faith. And when Peter tries to deflect or compare his journey to that of another, Jesus tells him not to worry about the path of another - Peter is to follow Jesus. Period.

After allowing Peter to redeem himself, Jesus moves on to business, so to speak. As though to say, Now that that's resolved, let's move forward. All is forgiven and now back to your journey, Peter. The next thing he tells him is that at the end of his earthly journey he will suffer an awful death - another will dress you, lead you where you do not want to go, there you will stretch out your arms and die. Then, he simply adds, "Follow me." Follow Jesus to the cross. Continue to follow Jesus all the days of your life now that you better understand what that means - just as He first called you, He calls you still (John 1:35-42).

So similar to the way we respond to tough news, Peter wants to know about the journey of another. Is someone else besides me going to suffer? Will I do this alone? Why doesn't Joe over there have to do it? Jesus' response is plain - my plans for another is irrelevant. You follow me. How often do we compare our journey with that of another. We think it's unfair to have to suffer when another does not. Yet we don't know what lies ahead for that person either. Jesus doesn't address the fact that John would also suffer an awful death. That's not the thing Peter, or we, should be focusing on. If we suffer when another does not, or before the other one does, it does not change the reason for our journey, our daily focus, or the meditation of our heart. Certainly dwelling on the plight of another does not help us get through our suffering.

Our purpose for living, for the way we live day to day, and even as we prepare for death is Christ. Period.

"You follow me!"

The Sound of the Saints

One of my favorite sounds is the sound of the congregation singing worship on Sunday mornings. Quite honestly, I used to be more critical than sentimental about it. I used to be distracted by someone singing off key near me. However, off key or on I now so love the sound of God's children lifting their voices to praise and worship Him.

I imagine us all before the throne, giving thanks to our King and Redeemer. I imagine the light of His glory pouring over us - those whom He has drawn near Him and loved. After the trials and tribulations of this world are behind us, we will forever sing His praise and worship with joy overflowing.

How I love the sound of God's children singing worship - for the glimpse it gives me of the promise that lies ahead.

The world that doesn’t revolve around Jen…

In one breath, I’ll tell myself that though I struggle with pride, like everyone does in one way or another, I am compassionate and looking for ways to build other up. Then in the next breath I will be annoyed with something that someone does or frustrated at the way something has impacted me. Telltale signs of pride – when it’s about me. Something I don’t like…the way something made me feel. And for that moment, the world revolves around me.

Could I truly call myself meek or gentle spirited? Not truly. At times? Yes. In certain moments? Yes. To the core of my being? No. No way. I so desire it, but I feel that I am so far from it.

One night this weekend, as I was feeling like a complete failure, I read in Psalms 51. How I love Psalm 51. Here’s a taste:

¹Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.
²Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!

³For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.
⁴Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.
⁵Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.
⁶Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

……

¹⁰Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
¹¹Cast me not away from you presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
¹²Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.

All weekend I prayed, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within in me.” Only He can change me through and through from the inside out. It is exhausting to put on a face or to “fake it until you feel it.” I am looking for a clean heart as it is transformed by God and a right spirit by God’s grace. Oh, God, please!

I know the wonders that God performs in people’s lives. I have seen it in others and in me. In order to be truly transformed into a gentle spirit, I need God’s hand on it. No level of performance will do. I am what I am by God’s grace and increasingly so as time passes.

The (real) Body of Christ: the fullness of Him

I continue to make my way through Ephesians. I’m in a new Bible (new translation) so it makes it all a bit fresher for me, which is always a good thing. We should never become complacent in the Word of God. The passage I am looking at is Ephesians 1:22-23

²²And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church, ²³which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.

This passage is very convicting to me. We have cheapened the term “Body of Christ.” We have made it an earthly thing. But Ephesians tells us that He is the head – not just the One to consult from time to time. (I’m obviously generalizing a bit.) The Church is meant to be His body! This should not be taken lightly!

It reminded me of the passage about greater things coming after Christ has left this world.

Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father.John 14:12

He’s telling of the Holy Spirit’s work in and through us – for salvation and to reach to the ends of the world.

Through the Holy Spirit, our Helper, Christ then moves through people, through cultures, through the world for His plan and purposes. It’s a powerful picture. The fact that Christ himself tells us, “it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you…” should give us pause. We should give infinite value to the Holy Spirit. Through the Holy Spirit, we are truly the Body of Christ; truly his representatives or ambassadors.

The representatives we appoint in government are held with the expectation that they are to perform for the well-being of those whom they represent. They are to vote as directed, as the people wish. Of course, politics is an extremely flawed system to use, but you get the picture. They are to perform for those whom they represent, not by their own opinions or feelings. And if they don’t represent the people in the way the people like, they will replace that politician.

In faith, we are representatives – ambassadors of Christ as 2 Corinthians 5:20 tells us.

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us…

If we are truly Christ’s ambassadors, then our actions should be in the best interest of the Kingdom…to give glory to God, not based on our own opinions or feelings. As a Church, are we doing a good job at that? My answer is plainly this – thank God for grace and mercy.

We cannot do this on our own. Only through the Holy Spirit can we be changed. Only through yielding to Him and seeking Him can our hearts be transformed and our characters representative of Christ himself. Only with His Spirit in us, guiding us, can we in all outward ways truly be Christ.

Ephesians 1:7-9 says it beautifully
⁷In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses according to the riches of His grace ⁸which He lavished on us. In all wisdom and insight ⁹He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him.

It is all possible only in and through Him. Our salvation is entirely through Him. Any knowledge or understanding we have is completely through Him revealing Himself to us. So if we are not deeply rooted in Him – not the pastor, church or anyone else, but in Him – then we need to double check exactly whose ambassador we are. The Body of Christ is not a building – it is those believers rooted in Him.

When Words are Not Enough

My grandma has been sick for quite awhile. She's been in and out of the hospital since September - battling her third round of breast cancer. Since September, for every step she has taken forwards, she has taken ten backwards. At this point, it's possible that she could pass this week or next.

She lives in Colorado, so it's not easy to go see her - being that I work full-time and have a three year old. I went to visit in September when she went in the hospital. The question I constantly ask myself is, "How will I feel about this in five or ten years?" I want to be there for her and my mom and aunt, but I know there is nothing I can do. I want my Nana to know I love her, am praying for her and that she's constantly on my mind, but the doctors have pretty much asked people not to visit her because it drains her at a time when she desperately needs her sleep. What I want so badly to do is to sit next to her, hold her hand and sing to her. I want her to remember in this time that God loves her, is with her and He is so good. She and I have always had a relationship that we could sit quietly together, holding hands and have understanding of and love for one another. Her presence always gives me joy; simply her presence.

Late last night, suddenly I felt the need to pray for her and my family. In my heart, if I'm being honest, I don't wish for her survival. She has struggled for so long. I know that she's in pain, and I know she has a wonderful faith. I know she's going home to God. How could I wish for her to endure here any longer? However, I completely trust in God's plan and timing. I'm terribly worried about my mom and her two sisters. None of them will take this well. Though of course they don't want her to suffer, they want their mom to stay. I can't imagine what that would be like, but I think that if I knew my mom was going to be with God (knowing our amazing God, not just the idea of a god) I would want her to go - even if it meant that I would terribly miss her...because being with God is the most wildly amazing thing, the absolute best thing that could happen to anyone. Those words aren't adequate to describe that truth.

So last night, as I prayed, I believe God reminded me that my phone has a voice recorder on it! (Our phones are failry new to us and definitely more high tech than what we're used to.) So I sat on the floor of my bedroom and wrote her a letter. Then I recorded myself reading the letter and read a few Bible verses to her (Romans 10:9-10, John 17:24 and John 1:1-5). I felt like I could be there to speak to her; to tell her that I love her and tell her that God is with her. I plan to also record myself playing my guitar and singing to her. Though I can't hold her hand, I hope she will feel peace and comfort in this time. I also hope it ministers to my family members who are hurting.

The truth of the matter is that I don't know exactly what to do. I'm not sure if there's a right answer in this, and if there is I don't know what it is. But I know that God far surpasses our knowledge and hopes. He is with her and is waiting for her. Whether it's now or later, I know that my Nana will be home to see our Lord soon. And I know, with joy in my heart and full assurance, that I will see her again - in the light of the glory of God, as we rejoice in the blessings He's given and our amazing salvation.

The Sport of Competitive Prayer

I couldn't help but smile the other day at dinner time. Our little boy has gotten into the habit of saying our prayer for us at dinner time when Chad can't be with us for dinner. Sometimes I have to ask him to let me do it, and other times I just let him do it. It's so sweet. Well, lately, Matthew has been competing a bit with Chad for our dinner prayer. Matthew assumes that he's praying. Sometimes I've asked him to let daddy pray. I think the final consensus is that Matthew prays first, then daddy gets to pray.

I couldn't help but smile as this happened the other day. I never imagined that our family would be a church-going family. I never imagined how it would be possible that my husband would seek God. I certainly never imagined that my son and husband would have to take turns praying at dinner so that they each get their chance to pray. :o)

God is good.

Ministry to Women in My Life - Women on My Heart

I feel that something is stirring...has been stirring slowly for awhile. I feel myself drawing toward young women for the purpose of encouraging and guiding them. I spoke with a friend today who helps lead the college-aged/20-something group at our church. I wanted to better understand the structure and see if there was a need for a mentoring role in the group. They do try to pair the "kids" up with someone to disciple them - when they show interest in or are ready for that. I think that may be just the thing. I'm just beginning to pray about it.

I remember being a teenager and a college student - fumbling my way through the mixed messages and lies that our society tells young women about their worth and who they should be. It's really tough. Some women struggle with that their entire life, sadly. I would love to be an encouragement and guide for a young woman. They don't truly know their beauty or worth. That age group is preyed upon because their bodies are still young, skin is still tight and smooth, yet they probably don't have the clarity of mind or confidence to know the difference between the lies and the truth.

I can't bombard my schedule with randomness. I need to set some parameters. One commitment of mine is about to end, which will free up one to two nights a week, each week. Two Wednesdays a month are always for our LIFE group. Other than that, I need to be careful how I fill my time. My family needs me. I need to refocus because that is my ministry field. It should be first and foremost. Aside from that, I'm not feeling called to go on a big mission trip or really get involved in a local ministry for service projects. I'm passionate about building relationships with the people in my life - in my neighborhood, at the church, the police wives and the women Chad works with - for the purpose of building them up, pointing them to God, and even discipling them. That's where my focus needs to stay. I need to start saying "no" more often.

I think my answer is pretty clear. I need to tell the Ethiopia team "no." I need to not worry about getting involved in a local ministry. I can help mobilize others to go serve there. I can't be everywhere at once. I can't be everything to everyone - but I can be where I know I should be.

Hunger...and craving

Our church doesn't practice Lent, but some of us observe it anyway. I'm hit and miss. This year I've hit it...big time.

I had a huge problem with sugar. It's fair to say that some days sugary foods were 70% of my daily diet. I'm not counting breads with sugar in it, I'm talking about donuts, candy bars, etc. It's not that I didn't eat sandwiches and real meals, but there was a lot of junk in there. Some have asked how I've stayed small. Truth be told, I would skip meals sometimes or just pick at a meal so that I could have something sweet afterwards. It was an open invitation to diabetes. So, long story short, I decided that I had to kick sugar to the curb this Lenten season.

I haven't been ridiculous about it - checking labels for the word 'sugar' in the ingredients. For example, soda - I don't have a problem with soda. I can take it or leave it. I don't drink it very often. It's not a temptation for me, so it doesn't really count. The point of all of this is to restrict the things that make me squirm. I do cut some sugary things that aren't a temptation for me, and truth be told, as the weeks have gone by most sugary things don't tempt me.

It occurred to me today that the feeling I used to identify as hunger was not hunger...it was craving.  I truly thought it was hunger.  However, I did not need food. I needed cleansing.

Similarly, many people identify the "needs" in their lives (be it a hobby, job, person, activity, responsibility...) as "needs"...but they are cravings as well. They are the junk that obscure the true need. They don't need those things, they need cleansing.

Personally, I can't eat in moderation if I'm addicted. I have to cut it out entirely in order to free myself from it. Cut the head off the snake. My point is that if you are craving an activity, job, person, responsibility or anything else that you think you can't do without...you need to cut it out entirely in order to free yourself from it. If that sounds too difficult to do, that is only evidence that you really need to cut it out.

We don't notice the pollutants in our lives until we cut them out. That's a painful process, I know. Trust me, I know. I've cut more than one thing from my life in the past year, and it has all been painful. But I assure, even promise you, it is important that you do it. I won't glamorize it for you. I won't give you the victory speech. I'll just put it plainly. You need to do it.

The difference in a craving and hunger is that you can never satisfy a craving. There is no peace in a craving. The craving commands you. If you tell a craving "no", it will bark back at you. But I tell you, if you tell it "no" enough, it will in fact shut up - maybe not permanently, but it will begin to obey you. Like anything else though, you have to take the reigns. The stronger the craving, the more it will put up a fight for those reigns. Just keep telling yourself that you are stronger - because you are.

Hunger on the other hand is in fact a need. We have very few needs. And spiritually speaking, we have one. We try to fill that need with junk - busying ourselves with hobbies, knowledge, people, etc. - but it never satisfies our true need. We were designed to love God. We were designed to worship Him and spend time with Him. It may not sound very appetizing to you, but that's because you have too much junk in your life. When I've eaten candy bars for three days or three months, an apple or orange doesn't sound nearly as appetizing. But the candy bar rots my bones while an apple or orange will strengthen them. We put entirely too much weight into our momentary desires. We fool ourselves into believing that they mean anything in light of reality. The reality is you were designed by God for God. That's just the truth of the matter. Everything else will distort your view, confuse you, leave you unsatisfied, craving and longing for something more.

So I challenge you, give it up. Whatever it is that you feel you can't do without. Give it up. If your addiction is tightly interwoven into your being, that is going to sound impossible. Some addictions we should leave out in the cold entirely - a time-wasting, life-sucking hobby, for example. Other addictions, we just need to put in their rightful place - your children or job, for example.

The freedom, peace and joy of living without your addiction is well worth it! To be honest, it doesn't mean that the temptation to go back won't rear its ugly head ever again. But! That's not a sign for you to go back to it. It's just an invitation by that evil one who wants to destroy you. So when he sends you his putrid invitation, you grab the reigns tightly and emphatically tell him "no".

Love...neighborhoods and the people you meet

It's easy for me to get caught up in myself. My first reaction is often concern for myself - will I be liked; am I being appreciated; have I gained so-and-so's approval; will this be a good use of my time and talents...
As you can see, I have a problem with being success-driven or needing to be liked.

To be fair, I am getting better. Sometimes I don't have to weed through my natural reaction of self-centeredness. I can start directly from God's love for that person. But sometimes I have to weed through my own feelings and pray for God to help me love that person as He does. It depends on whether I feel threatened or not, quite honestly.

Last night, I had a wonderful opportunity to meet someone that I had been wanting to meet. In all honesty, I was wondering if I would feel threatened. Left to my own devices, I would struggle with that. However, I prayed that my heart would be changed; that there would be no remnant of self-centeredness which leads to jealousy. Lord, let me love that person as You do and know in my heart that You want this person to love You. It's the life changing love and message of Christ's Gospel. It's beautiful.

God has changed my heart. When I think of this person, I don't think of myself. My heart actually swells a bit. I want this person to know and love God. That is the best thing I can offer to anyone - the joy, peace and love that comes from God alone. I pray that God would draw me into a closer relationship with this person, in hopes that He will be glorified through it. I can only do that by submitting to Him and seeking His heart in all circumstances.

The bottom line is that my love cannot be conditional - based on whether or not I feel threatened. My love, the kind that makes a heart swell and not ache, must come from God's love for this person. And really, that love benefits everyone. Everyone, and I'm including myself, feels better. Everyone wins because God's way is good. It is truth - the only truth, and the only way that truly saves.

The Burden of the Gospel

I’m deeply troubled by the hard-heartedness of someone dear to me who would say that she believes in Jesus. The bottom line is that she may believe He exists, but she certainly doesn’t know Him or believe in Him. If you talk about “religion” a wall goes up. If you say anything biblical that doesn’t fit her opinion about life or the world, she becomes resistive and even abrasive. Furthermore, for someone who says she believes in Jesus, she’s a hindrance to another’s faith – enabling her and denying or even preventing her from hearing God’s Word. It is painful to watch their wrecked lives, offer them the only thing that can truly save them, and be rejected and watch them flat out reject God.

Someone recently shared a quote with me that said something along the lines of, “Wherever the gospel goes, someone has suffered, someone has cried….” So I was reminded that this burden is part of the gospel. I feel like a complete failure in my ability to share God’s love and what God has done in my life – because walls immediately go up. I know how they see me.  I remember what it was like on the other side – “religious” people were pushy and disconnected from “reality.” Some Christians or “pseudo-Christians” truly are pushy. But the truth is that for someone who is not ready to accept Christ into their life, anything that doesn’t allow them to live however they want to live - anything with “rules”, “restrictions”, “guidance” or something that challenges their way of life, suggesting that they just might be wrong - will receive blame and they will reject God’s Word. The tragedy is that they are missing out on the peace, love, grace and, ironically, the clarity they seek for their life because they don’t want to be told their wrong and certainly don’t want to change anything about the way they live or the opinion they have of the world. Pride is the root of all our sin. When we can’t even recognize just how prideful we are, we certainly can’t see that the problems lie within us.

It is awful to watch someone you love struggle so much and know that they have the answer at their fingertips. Our pride is to our own demise. Even more painful is that I know if her tongue were completely turned loose, she would insult and blame me. How could it be love to enable her to live however she wants? How is it a fault in character to speak about God? Why is that offensive, yet if I were to refer her to some self-help book that would be caring? The issue is spiritual warfare – but someone so embedded in the world cannot see that.

I sound like I blame her, and that’s not the truth of it. She is a victim of sin and Satan’s terrible efforts in her life. He has been more successful than she would care to know. But it is painful to watch. All I can do is continue to pray and trust that God will bring her into His fold in His perfect timing. I am not as patient, supreme, all-knowing or wise as our great God. It causes me to worry far more than I probably should. And it causes me to disconnect from her far too often because it is so painful and difficult. It is painful and difficult to have someone you love look at you like a pushy, know-it-all. Ironic that someone who uses far more words than I do (and so highly values the “art of debate”) would accuse me of using too many words in reference to God. Ironic that someone who lacks direction and clarity would think that I don’t and couldn’t possibly understand. It’s useless to argue these things, and so I don’t – which I’m sure only helps to solidify her opinion of me.

God has been so good in my life. I have been through this in a slightly different way before – being thought of as ignorant or arrogant (depending on the moment) by someone you love simply because they don’t understand. From that I learned that you cannot argue anything. It only creates more walls. You can only be patient, loving and present truth whenever you can. It’s very hard to do and some moments are better than others. I regret my weak moments and pray that my good moments will still resonate in some way.

I cannot see the storm for what it is, and I don’t care to know just how big of a storm it is. I cling to God – His goodness, truth and sovereignty. He will lead me through. I don’t have the strength or wisdom to do much more than that.

Something to Chew On

If we have no zeal for God, then our mercy is superficial. If we have zeal for God but it is not revealing God’s mercy, then our zeal is hypocritical.

Paraphrased from Let the Nations Be Glad by John Piper.

Living for Eternity

We often become complacent in our daily lives - even those of us who live for the glory of God - because we are more focused on the overall sanctification of our lives rather than the intimate, daily moments of our lives. I don't believe it's wrong to have peace in knowing that we are work in progress, but to the point that we become complacent or not truly valuing the moment we are in, we may need a new perspective.

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven , where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.

Matthew 6:19-20 (ESV)

each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.

1 Corinthians 3:13-15 (ESV)

To me, these passages beg the question, "Is the work I am doing today for today or for eternity?"

I like to be productive. I also like for my work to count for something. Our existence on earth is such a tiny, tiny percentage of our overall existence. So if I am going to be productive for the kingdom of God, I would like it to count for the majority of my existence – not just today, which is only a blink compared to eternity.

So what kind of work can I be doing for eternity? The answer? Anything that gives glory to God. All else may very well be done in vain. If I am speaking with the grocer, speak with him for the glory of God. If I am playing with my little boy, let it be for God’s glory, with eternity set in my heart. All things should be related directly to God because all things are from Him, for Him and possible through Him. In a more intimate way, am I doing all things without grumbling or complaining (no). If I did, it would be for the glory of God. Am I being helpful anytime I can? Does the work I’m doing count for eternity? Does it speak to God’s heart? Does it accomplish His work? Does it help someone else along or put a stumbling block before their feet?

Will my work survive the fire, which will rid me of all that was not rooted in His Word or for the purpose of the kingdom? It’s a sobering thought. What will I be left with after that cleansing fire?

I welcome the fire. It is cleansing. It is purifying. I will shed all that doesn’t matter and keep all that makes me like Christ. Hallelujah! The beauty is that I can begin to build up those things that I will keep for eternity – now. The challenge is that I should not waste my time with those things that will be a waste – gone in a blink.

It is an opportunity and challenge for us all. Live every day in light of eternity.