Soul sickness plagues us all. I am no more ill with sin now than I was before I knew Christ. (I believe I am less ill now than before.) The difference is that when you live with a chronic illness, when it is all you know, you do not realize the depths of your illness. When you've been cured of it and then fall ill again, you are more aware of the ugliness of that illness. Likewise, when you've been freed from a certain sin and then fall back into it, the sickness is awful where it had once been the norm.
In January, I was freed from the pain of a certain soul sickness. It was actually a fairly painful process. As those in withdrawal face the moments of yearning for their addiction, I felt the same temptation - sin calling me back into old habits. The Spirit fights within me to keep me from it. Twice since that day in January, I have fallen back into it. Though not for long, thanks be to God, it throws me back into the loop - from freedom, to temptation, to sickness, healing and withdrawal. Each time, I realize what a fool I am for toying with temptation.
The humbling part of it all is the reminder that I am only human - a sinful woman saved only through the grace and love of God. I boast of nothing, except Jesus Christ. The beautiful part of it all is that these temptations have been strongest right after something remarkable has happened, some beautiful strive forward in my walk with God, some new realization or after more deeply submitting to Him. The war that rages within - Satan once again torments me with my sin in order to keep me from that which I know to be true and from being effective in the kingdom. And once again, he ultimately fails - poor, desperate fool that he is. Because my God is merciful and faithful, Satan spins his pitiful wheels and though he causes me pain, I rejoice in the struggle because in his attempt to derail me, he is only a instrument in strengthening me. Most pitiful and foolish of all is he who time and time again challenges the Almighty.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
James 1:2-4 (ESV)
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Psalm 24 - July 21, 2010
The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it: for he founded it upon the sea and established it upon the waters.
Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false. He will receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God his Savior. Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, O God of Jacob.
Psalm 24:1-6 (NIV)
I love this Psalm that so beautifully brings us back to God the Creator and reminds us that through God, Jesus Christ our Savior, we will be vindicated and through Him we may ascend to God's holy place.
Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false. He will receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God his Savior. Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, O God of Jacob.
Psalm 24:1-6 (NIV)
I love this Psalm that so beautifully brings us back to God the Creator and reminds us that through God, Jesus Christ our Savior, we will be vindicated and through Him we may ascend to God's holy place.
Walking in the Garden...Everyday - July 20, 2010
I'm reading A.W. Tozer's The Purpose of Man: Designed to Worship. It's quite possibly the most wonderful thing I've ever read - written by man. I love this man's heart for God. I love that he's not showy or interested in being anything more than a child of God.
Early on in the book he takes us back to the garden of Eden to remind us that God created us for His worship and fellowship. God walked with Adam and Eve in the garden, and no doubt He was broken when that fellowship was lost. Our God loves us so deeply and wants that time with us. He is Jealous for us.
We were created to worship. As Tozer points out, because of the fall we suffer from spiritual amnesia. We forget that we're created by God for God and that in that we find ultimate fulfillment - because that's how we are designed. So if we don't worship God we will find something else to worship. This is the great tragedy.
I focus so much on the work that I think I should be doing. And the truth of the matter is that a part of that is rooted in trying to be good enough or do what I think I should do as a Christian. Even when it flows from my faith, if it's not flowing from my worship of God, it's not rooted as it should be. I love that Tozer says, "God is infinitely more concerned that He has worshipers than that He has workers...I do not think we should ever work until we learn to worship." It makes my heart leap for joy. It relieves something in me and makes sense of so much for me. Anytime I feel like I'm groping for my task or mission or work or purpose, these two lines confirm in me that the reason for that confusion and frustration is because I'm forgetting who I am and why God created me.
He does not need me to sing for him (He needs absolutely nothing from me), but He's placed a harp in my heart (as Tozer describes) so that I may sing praises for Him. Just as the bird sings for our enjoyment, God has created us to sing worship to Him - in our heart, through our lives, our fellowship with Him, our praises for Him, and in my life, He gifts me with a warble in my throat with endless songs like the nightengale. It gives me such great joy to know that He created me to lift my voice for Him simply for His enjoyment. How precious we are.
I don't need to worry about my task from day to day. He did not create me to work, though He blesses me with those moments to serve; to practice my faith and mold me into His image. He created me to Worship. Tozer goes on to say, "out of our deep worship flows our work for Him."
The bottom line is that I don't need to try so hard. I don't need to run as fast as I can to cure the hurt in the world or respond in the most effective way or find another way to make things better or serve or be in the right place for whatever work there is. Don't get me wrong. It's good to serve. He calls us to serve. He calls us to reflect God's light and love to the world. However, that light shines out of us in response to our worship of the Almighty.
I want to walk in the garden with my Creator and praise His holiness and rejoice in His great love for us. I want to kneel before Him and reach up in love for Him. I want fellowship with my Creator.
This may be a digression, but I think it's important to mention. Something about this pure pursuit of worshiping God in Spirit and truth reveals how idolatry creeps in, even in our churches. Our worship should be fully for God, not mostly. Our attention should be fully on God, not mostly. We lift our worship stages above the rest of the congregation and perpetuate the western culture's idea of church service. I'm not convinced that the way we do it pursues pure worship to God. I think it tempts people to idolize those on stage. In our own churches, we play with fire and some are getting burned.
I think for some it's well intended, and I think for others it's excusing that kind of idolatry in the name of more impactful or passionate worhsip. It churns my stomach. Why in front of everyone? Why up on a stage? How can we be better about this?? I fully understand the need to project the sound to a large room full of people. I understand the importance of keeping everyone on the same tempo. But I will never be convinced that this is the best way to do it. My heart aches at the way that I know it stirs idolatry in hearts.
Christian music teeters at times as well. Whenever we are more attentive to the person on stage, their talents, music, clothes, movements, or whatever it is more than we are attentive to our God (even when the person on stage is in competition of any kind with God's praises, whether they intend for that to happen or not) we are playing with this ugly sin of idolatry. We don't need Christian music to worship. We must be careful of any dependency on it. We must be careful that our worship is not pure worship in Spirit and truth. If we are not careful, we will fall into the same trap that Hollywood perpetuates, and as children of the Almighty God it should not be so.
Our God deserves our worhsip and love and adoration because He created us out of His love and desire to be with us. He is all powerful, merciful, just, and gracious. He is the Creator of the heavens and earth and yet He desires to intimately walk with us. Through the saving blood of Jesus Christ we can return to the garden and walk with our God. Where sin has created a chasm and spit us out of the garden, our loving Lord calls us, beckons us back to walk in the coolness of the day with Him. There we meet our Creator and joy unspeakable as we find ultimate fulfillment in our true purpose - pure worship of our amazing God in Spirit and truth.
Early on in the book he takes us back to the garden of Eden to remind us that God created us for His worship and fellowship. God walked with Adam and Eve in the garden, and no doubt He was broken when that fellowship was lost. Our God loves us so deeply and wants that time with us. He is Jealous for us.
We were created to worship. As Tozer points out, because of the fall we suffer from spiritual amnesia. We forget that we're created by God for God and that in that we find ultimate fulfillment - because that's how we are designed. So if we don't worship God we will find something else to worship. This is the great tragedy.
I focus so much on the work that I think I should be doing. And the truth of the matter is that a part of that is rooted in trying to be good enough or do what I think I should do as a Christian. Even when it flows from my faith, if it's not flowing from my worship of God, it's not rooted as it should be. I love that Tozer says, "God is infinitely more concerned that He has worshipers than that He has workers...I do not think we should ever work until we learn to worship." It makes my heart leap for joy. It relieves something in me and makes sense of so much for me. Anytime I feel like I'm groping for my task or mission or work or purpose, these two lines confirm in me that the reason for that confusion and frustration is because I'm forgetting who I am and why God created me.
He does not need me to sing for him (He needs absolutely nothing from me), but He's placed a harp in my heart (as Tozer describes) so that I may sing praises for Him. Just as the bird sings for our enjoyment, God has created us to sing worship to Him - in our heart, through our lives, our fellowship with Him, our praises for Him, and in my life, He gifts me with a warble in my throat with endless songs like the nightengale. It gives me such great joy to know that He created me to lift my voice for Him simply for His enjoyment. How precious we are.
I don't need to worry about my task from day to day. He did not create me to work, though He blesses me with those moments to serve; to practice my faith and mold me into His image. He created me to Worship. Tozer goes on to say, "out of our deep worship flows our work for Him."
The bottom line is that I don't need to try so hard. I don't need to run as fast as I can to cure the hurt in the world or respond in the most effective way or find another way to make things better or serve or be in the right place for whatever work there is. Don't get me wrong. It's good to serve. He calls us to serve. He calls us to reflect God's light and love to the world. However, that light shines out of us in response to our worship of the Almighty.
I want to walk in the garden with my Creator and praise His holiness and rejoice in His great love for us. I want to kneel before Him and reach up in love for Him. I want fellowship with my Creator.
This may be a digression, but I think it's important to mention. Something about this pure pursuit of worshiping God in Spirit and truth reveals how idolatry creeps in, even in our churches. Our worship should be fully for God, not mostly. Our attention should be fully on God, not mostly. We lift our worship stages above the rest of the congregation and perpetuate the western culture's idea of church service. I'm not convinced that the way we do it pursues pure worship to God. I think it tempts people to idolize those on stage. In our own churches, we play with fire and some are getting burned.
I think for some it's well intended, and I think for others it's excusing that kind of idolatry in the name of more impactful or passionate worhsip. It churns my stomach. Why in front of everyone? Why up on a stage? How can we be better about this?? I fully understand the need to project the sound to a large room full of people. I understand the importance of keeping everyone on the same tempo. But I will never be convinced that this is the best way to do it. My heart aches at the way that I know it stirs idolatry in hearts.
Christian music teeters at times as well. Whenever we are more attentive to the person on stage, their talents, music, clothes, movements, or whatever it is more than we are attentive to our God (even when the person on stage is in competition of any kind with God's praises, whether they intend for that to happen or not) we are playing with this ugly sin of idolatry. We don't need Christian music to worship. We must be careful of any dependency on it. We must be careful that our worship is not pure worship in Spirit and truth. If we are not careful, we will fall into the same trap that Hollywood perpetuates, and as children of the Almighty God it should not be so.
Our God deserves our worhsip and love and adoration because He created us out of His love and desire to be with us. He is all powerful, merciful, just, and gracious. He is the Creator of the heavens and earth and yet He desires to intimately walk with us. Through the saving blood of Jesus Christ we can return to the garden and walk with our God. Where sin has created a chasm and spit us out of the garden, our loving Lord calls us, beckons us back to walk in the coolness of the day with Him. There we meet our Creator and joy unspeakable as we find ultimate fulfillment in our true purpose - pure worship of our amazing God in Spirit and truth.
A thorn... - July 12, 2010
Nothing bums me out more than having to watch or listen to myself on a recording. What I notice, in retrospect, is that the Spirit is missing when I'm watching. It's just me, which is obnoxious. I've never been good at watching or listening to myself. All I see is what's wrong. It's not until later...often times years later...that I can watch it back and appreciate it for what it was.
I suppose the worst part about it is that it takes away my steam. The experience is worse than humbling. Any drive I had for sharing my music with others or pursuing something more with it is just destroyed. Why would I want to spread that around?? It takes me days, sometimes weeks, to get over. The bottom line is...don't watch/listen to yourself, Jen. All I can do is the best I can do. Nothing will change that.
The Holy Spirit truly works through people who are not worthy.
Ugh. Lord help me.
I suppose the worst part about it is that it takes away my steam. The experience is worse than humbling. Any drive I had for sharing my music with others or pursuing something more with it is just destroyed. Why would I want to spread that around?? It takes me days, sometimes weeks, to get over. The bottom line is...don't watch/listen to yourself, Jen. All I can do is the best I can do. Nothing will change that.
The Holy Spirit truly works through people who are not worthy.
Ugh. Lord help me.
Living as an Eternal Soul in a Fast Food Culture - June 18, 2010
My lack of sight and patience pains me. I am constantly falling back into the same traps as I have previously, sometimes repeatedly, been dug out of. I once heard a man explain how he could understand how God's people who had been led out of Egypt in Exodus could grumble and become impatient only three days after having witnessed such remarkable miracles as the splitting of the Red Sea and the pillar of fire. He said he could completely believe it because we forget all the time that Jesus Christ was crucified, dead and burried and then raised again by God for the salvation of undeserving and grumbling sinners. That is a far more miraculous event than anything else in history - and we forget and grumble all the time.
Last night I was reminded of Jesus' words when the disciples had come back from being sent out. They were amazed because they had authority over even the demons. Jesus tells them that they should not be so amazed or thankful for that but that their names are written in heaven. He points us back to our eternal blessing and existence. Our jobs do not define us. Our success does not make us worth more. Often our daily duties and success (our job, friendships, hobbies, etc.) can be a distraction from the big picture. I am guilty, guilty, guilty of this.
We are defined by God's love and mercy as children of God, and our worth is hidden in Christ in heaven.
Our joy and thankfulness should daily come from knowing that God's love for us is so great that He sent His son to die (physically and spiritually) so that we may live eternally in His glory - so that our names can be written in heaven.
Christ broke all bonds of death and endured what we never will.
He conqured more than physical death. He conqured spiritual death and gives eternal life, beyond what I can yet imagine.
Our tasks and successes are not more amazing than Christ's death and resurrection.
I'm constantly caught up in what I think I should be doing. Helping who? Reading what? Accomplishing what? Learning and listening to what? I beat myself up, and I have a hard time staying on course without detouring to another task because of the sheer magnitude of the things that need to be done. The result is that I become exhausted. I feel inadequate, ineffective, pointless, and confused. What's the point in running a race that is so impossible to beat? I'm moving at a snail's pace trying to help all the hurt in the world and the hurt of the world is flying at the speed of light. My perspective is too small for the plans of God.
So in my exhaustion, I end up wasting my evenings away because I feel like it makes no difference one way or the other.
The big picture is that I want results now...no, I want results yesterday. I can't see that anything I'm doing is making a tremendous difference, and so I give up. I become weak. No, I am already weak. I become tired of trying. I expect that things should be different, that lives will all be transformed and the rewards will be poured onto my doorstep. When it doesn't go according to my plan, I lose sight and steam. God is so patient with me.
I have said repeatedly that "I just want something to happen!" I want to do something big to bring God glory. I don't think there's anything wrong with that desire. Like a child wanting to throw a huge party for their Mom or Dad, of course that's a sweet sentiment. It becomes a problem when the party becomes about the child. When things don't go the way the child wanted and the child gives up. Even if the party doesn't happen, it shouldn't be about the child. Mom or Dad has every right to move the date or time or change the guest list. It's not about the child's schedule, friends, or status.
I am an eternal soul. I live in a culture that can have a meal prepared for me in a matter of minutes; a culture that expects everything else to happen just as quickly. Instant gratification is the expectation. I beat myself up when something big doesn't happen every week. I blame myself for being lazy if I do nothing - which ignores the sovereign hand of God. And then on the other side, I use God's sovereign hand as a way to be lazy. "If it's God's will it will happen," - which ignores the importance of a soul willing and yielding to do God's work.
I am an eternal soul.
So when someone needs a moment from me, I have it. When someone is taking too long, it's okay. If I need to study specific scripture or a lesson, I should take the time to fully do that before I move on to something else. God will leave me on Earth as long as He has something else for me to do. I have time to take the time to complete all of it. I will not run out of time. I am an eternal soul.
Last night I was reminded of Jesus' words when the disciples had come back from being sent out. They were amazed because they had authority over even the demons. Jesus tells them that they should not be so amazed or thankful for that but that their names are written in heaven. He points us back to our eternal blessing and existence. Our jobs do not define us. Our success does not make us worth more. Often our daily duties and success (our job, friendships, hobbies, etc.) can be a distraction from the big picture. I am guilty, guilty, guilty of this.
We are defined by God's love and mercy as children of God, and our worth is hidden in Christ in heaven.
Our joy and thankfulness should daily come from knowing that God's love for us is so great that He sent His son to die (physically and spiritually) so that we may live eternally in His glory - so that our names can be written in heaven.
Christ broke all bonds of death and endured what we never will.
He conqured more than physical death. He conqured spiritual death and gives eternal life, beyond what I can yet imagine.
Our tasks and successes are not more amazing than Christ's death and resurrection.
I'm constantly caught up in what I think I should be doing. Helping who? Reading what? Accomplishing what? Learning and listening to what? I beat myself up, and I have a hard time staying on course without detouring to another task because of the sheer magnitude of the things that need to be done. The result is that I become exhausted. I feel inadequate, ineffective, pointless, and confused. What's the point in running a race that is so impossible to beat? I'm moving at a snail's pace trying to help all the hurt in the world and the hurt of the world is flying at the speed of light. My perspective is too small for the plans of God.
So in my exhaustion, I end up wasting my evenings away because I feel like it makes no difference one way or the other.
The big picture is that I want results now...no, I want results yesterday. I can't see that anything I'm doing is making a tremendous difference, and so I give up. I become weak. No, I am already weak. I become tired of trying. I expect that things should be different, that lives will all be transformed and the rewards will be poured onto my doorstep. When it doesn't go according to my plan, I lose sight and steam. God is so patient with me.
I have said repeatedly that "I just want something to happen!" I want to do something big to bring God glory. I don't think there's anything wrong with that desire. Like a child wanting to throw a huge party for their Mom or Dad, of course that's a sweet sentiment. It becomes a problem when the party becomes about the child. When things don't go the way the child wanted and the child gives up. Even if the party doesn't happen, it shouldn't be about the child. Mom or Dad has every right to move the date or time or change the guest list. It's not about the child's schedule, friends, or status.
I am an eternal soul. I live in a culture that can have a meal prepared for me in a matter of minutes; a culture that expects everything else to happen just as quickly. Instant gratification is the expectation. I beat myself up when something big doesn't happen every week. I blame myself for being lazy if I do nothing - which ignores the sovereign hand of God. And then on the other side, I use God's sovereign hand as a way to be lazy. "If it's God's will it will happen," - which ignores the importance of a soul willing and yielding to do God's work.
I am an eternal soul.
So when someone needs a moment from me, I have it. When someone is taking too long, it's okay. If I need to study specific scripture or a lesson, I should take the time to fully do that before I move on to something else. God will leave me on Earth as long as He has something else for me to do. I have time to take the time to complete all of it. I will not run out of time. I am an eternal soul.
Ezekiel 36:22-29: God's Name Sanctified - June 17, 2010
"Thus says the Lord God: 'I do not do this for your sake, O house of Israel, but for My holy name's sake, which you have profaned among the nations wherever you went. And I will sanctify My great name, which has been profaned among the nations, which you have profaned in their midst; and the nations shall know that I am the Lord,'"
Ezekiel 36:22-29 (NKJV)
I have always thought of God's glory as revealed through his work in our lives in terms of giving praises to Him because of our sanctification. In other words, God is glorified because we are sanctified. Today, as I read this Ezekiel passage it spoke loudly to me in a new way.
God's name is sanctified through the work in our lives.
As the passage states, it is not for our sake that he works in our lives. Rather than go on to say that it is for the purpose of His glory that he works in our lives, He says that it is for the sanctification of His name that he works in our lives. Where we have profaned His name, insulted Him with our sin and brought shame to His Holiness, He will santify it.
Let me use a parallel to better explain. We are more familiar with our sin as individuals. So let's start there. We are in a fallen state because of our sin. Think of it like some sort of scale, yet there are only two sides to it. There is sin which is the low end of the scale and holiness which is the high end of the scale. We need to be sanctified to go from sin to holiness.
Now let's insert God's holy name into the scenario, where God's name is profaned on the low end of the scale and God's name is glorified on the high end of the scale. His name is sanctified as it goes from profaned to glorified.
This is another example of how we think everything is about us, even when we think we are expressing that we know it's not. I have always said that the work in my life is about God's glory, and that is true. It's not that it's a false statement, it's just not a complete statement. Another part of that truth is that my life is just a teeny-tiny, almost invisible chip in this picture that is being constructed to 1. yes, display God's glory, but moreso 2. restore God's name to its full glory to not only all people but to all creation throughout eternity. So His work is not about my life, except how it reveals His love, mercy and grace. All work in creation is about returning all glory to Almighty God - from profane words and existence to the praise and glory of Him who was, who is, and is to come.
Ezekiel 36:22-29 (NKJV)
I have always thought of God's glory as revealed through his work in our lives in terms of giving praises to Him because of our sanctification. In other words, God is glorified because we are sanctified. Today, as I read this Ezekiel passage it spoke loudly to me in a new way.
God's name is sanctified through the work in our lives.
As the passage states, it is not for our sake that he works in our lives. Rather than go on to say that it is for the purpose of His glory that he works in our lives, He says that it is for the sanctification of His name that he works in our lives. Where we have profaned His name, insulted Him with our sin and brought shame to His Holiness, He will santify it.
Let me use a parallel to better explain. We are more familiar with our sin as individuals. So let's start there. We are in a fallen state because of our sin. Think of it like some sort of scale, yet there are only two sides to it. There is sin which is the low end of the scale and holiness which is the high end of the scale. We need to be sanctified to go from sin to holiness.
Now let's insert God's holy name into the scenario, where God's name is profaned on the low end of the scale and God's name is glorified on the high end of the scale. His name is sanctified as it goes from profaned to glorified.
This is another example of how we think everything is about us, even when we think we are expressing that we know it's not. I have always said that the work in my life is about God's glory, and that is true. It's not that it's a false statement, it's just not a complete statement. Another part of that truth is that my life is just a teeny-tiny, almost invisible chip in this picture that is being constructed to 1. yes, display God's glory, but moreso 2. restore God's name to its full glory to not only all people but to all creation throughout eternity. So His work is not about my life, except how it reveals His love, mercy and grace. All work in creation is about returning all glory to Almighty God - from profane words and existence to the praise and glory of Him who was, who is, and is to come.
God's Love: displayed through Christ on the Mount of Olives - June 17, 2010
I have wondered in the past about the moment that Christ asks for the cup to pass him, not by his will but by the Father's. It has made me ponder the conviction of God or why that moment occurred if God is all-powerful and perfect. I always thought of it in terms of Jesus. Today I read something in "Experiencing the Resurrection" by Henry and Melvin Blackaby that changed my perspective. Suddenly, I can see that moment in terms of God the Father.
That moment is not a demonstration of God's weakness or questioning or fearing the cross. That moment is a demonstration of God's love. That is the purpose of that moment.
Christ was willing to go to the cross. That's why he came. His thoughts and feelings in a moment like that, on the brink of his own torture and death, I will never truly know in this life, if ever. However, in that moment, God's intention for the cross and resurrection, to redeem his people and to sanctify and glorify his Holy name, is made perfectly clear. He does not waver despite the prayer from his Beloved Son. His conviction reveals his tremendous love for us.
If I could ever, in some crazy dimension, ever gather the conviction and strength to sacrifice my son for another (another who is ungrateful and offensive to me), a moment similar to Jesus on the Mount would surely shatter it. It's ridiculous to even attempt to compare myself to God, and I don't mean to do that. However, it puts God's love into better perspective, when I compare it to my capacity for love.
I love my son deeply, so much that I feel as though I may melt at times. However, this moment on the Mount makes it clear that even though I know my capacity for love and think it's pretty darn good, it is nothing compared to God's love.
That moment is not a demonstration of God's weakness or questioning or fearing the cross. That moment is a demonstration of God's love. That is the purpose of that moment.
Christ was willing to go to the cross. That's why he came. His thoughts and feelings in a moment like that, on the brink of his own torture and death, I will never truly know in this life, if ever. However, in that moment, God's intention for the cross and resurrection, to redeem his people and to sanctify and glorify his Holy name, is made perfectly clear. He does not waver despite the prayer from his Beloved Son. His conviction reveals his tremendous love for us.
If I could ever, in some crazy dimension, ever gather the conviction and strength to sacrifice my son for another (another who is ungrateful and offensive to me), a moment similar to Jesus on the Mount would surely shatter it. It's ridiculous to even attempt to compare myself to God, and I don't mean to do that. However, it puts God's love into better perspective, when I compare it to my capacity for love.
I love my son deeply, so much that I feel as though I may melt at times. However, this moment on the Mount makes it clear that even though I know my capacity for love and think it's pretty darn good, it is nothing compared to God's love.
Relax!...and rest in God's hands - June 10, 2010
"put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."
Ephesians 4:22-24
I can't tell you how much this speaks to me. I tend to complicate things. Just when I feel peace or comfort, I tend to make things more difficult. I challenge and tempt myself, and I have no explanation for it except that I am still sinful and am led away by those desires; I fall into a false sense of security - in myself.
Last night our worship team had rehearsal. I'm always so humbled by the team members. They are all so special and you can clearly see how the Spirit has worked in their lives through their humility and peace. They build one another up and there is never descent or a need to be heard or have things done their way, which is usually a classic staple of a musician. The upside is that I can trust them and rest in them; I know that things will be fine with them (musically and personally). I love spending time with them and feeling how the Spirit moves among us. It's incredible. The "downside" is that I'm never sure if I should speak because I never assume that I can offer anything more. The problem with that is that we know from the scriptures that everyone has something to offer. We are the body of Christ, each with a gift. We are specifically told not to neglect our gifts. I often feel like I'm in this very in between place - if I jump in then I wonder if maybe I shouldn't have, but if I don't, am I restraining how the Spirit is trying to use me in the group? It's very uncomfortable for me.
What I realize, and the reason this Ephesians passage speaks so loudly to me, is that I recognize my sinfulness more when I'm surrounded by my brothers and sisters in Christ. The Spirit is trying to correct my behaviors and the reason it's so uncomfortable for me is that the "deceitful desires" of the past do not fit with the holiness of the Spirit that is working in me. I am a child of God and there is no comfort in sin when I have been created in God's likeness. There is no peace when I straddle the fence and dip my toes in sin. The way I used to live was corrupt. There is no place for those things in my new life with Christ. So there is unease when it's present in my life, whether it's occuring at the moment or not. As a result of that unease due to sin, I make too much noise, I'm not listening to the Spirit, my head is foggy, my heart is heavy, I feel guilt and shame, and I battle between the momentary gratification of sin and the eternal love and peace found only in God, only in His word.
It's an obvious resolve. However, the presence of sin weighs on us all daily. It's so integrated into our lives that only the spirit of discernment can bring the truth out among the bombardment of lies. It's an exhausting journey to the end. God tells us that those who abide in Christ to the end will receive the reward. It's not an easy journey, but through suffering our faith is made perfect. Through steadfastness we attain endurance. Through the love of Christ we are sustained.
Ephesians 4:22-24
I can't tell you how much this speaks to me. I tend to complicate things. Just when I feel peace or comfort, I tend to make things more difficult. I challenge and tempt myself, and I have no explanation for it except that I am still sinful and am led away by those desires; I fall into a false sense of security - in myself.
Last night our worship team had rehearsal. I'm always so humbled by the team members. They are all so special and you can clearly see how the Spirit has worked in their lives through their humility and peace. They build one another up and there is never descent or a need to be heard or have things done their way, which is usually a classic staple of a musician. The upside is that I can trust them and rest in them; I know that things will be fine with them (musically and personally). I love spending time with them and feeling how the Spirit moves among us. It's incredible. The "downside" is that I'm never sure if I should speak because I never assume that I can offer anything more. The problem with that is that we know from the scriptures that everyone has something to offer. We are the body of Christ, each with a gift. We are specifically told not to neglect our gifts. I often feel like I'm in this very in between place - if I jump in then I wonder if maybe I shouldn't have, but if I don't, am I restraining how the Spirit is trying to use me in the group? It's very uncomfortable for me.
What I realize, and the reason this Ephesians passage speaks so loudly to me, is that I recognize my sinfulness more when I'm surrounded by my brothers and sisters in Christ. The Spirit is trying to correct my behaviors and the reason it's so uncomfortable for me is that the "deceitful desires" of the past do not fit with the holiness of the Spirit that is working in me. I am a child of God and there is no comfort in sin when I have been created in God's likeness. There is no peace when I straddle the fence and dip my toes in sin. The way I used to live was corrupt. There is no place for those things in my new life with Christ. So there is unease when it's present in my life, whether it's occuring at the moment or not. As a result of that unease due to sin, I make too much noise, I'm not listening to the Spirit, my head is foggy, my heart is heavy, I feel guilt and shame, and I battle between the momentary gratification of sin and the eternal love and peace found only in God, only in His word.
It's an obvious resolve. However, the presence of sin weighs on us all daily. It's so integrated into our lives that only the spirit of discernment can bring the truth out among the bombardment of lies. It's an exhausting journey to the end. God tells us that those who abide in Christ to the end will receive the reward. It's not an easy journey, but through suffering our faith is made perfect. Through steadfastness we attain endurance. Through the love of Christ we are sustained.
Ethiopia -Revisited - June 7, 2010
Recently, I spoke with several members of the OBC African Missions Team who traveled to Ethiopia at the end of March. I was writing an article for the GO Journal and wanted to share their stories. Hearing stories from a mission trip is always inspiring and convicting. I've been hearing these stories on a fairly regular basis for a year and a half now. Each time I listen to these Spirit-breathed moments, I'm reminded that God calls us to go. Not just some of us. He calls us all to go. We should be attuned to these moments that God has laid before us, whether it's to travel overseas or cross the street in our neighborhood. As for the article, I believe that from conception to submission it was an answer to one of the quiet and constant prayers of my heart.
When Cindy Kittler, who edits the GO Journal, and I brainstormed the subject matter for the article, the initial idea was to compile short testimonies from several of the mission team members into one article. What came of that effort was a bit of a snowball effect. I sent out an email to all the team members, a few responded, I sat and spoke with Columbus Heard, spoke with Pastor Rex Bonar on the phone, then spoke in person with Paulos Assefa, sat in on their reflective meeting....quite honestly, it could have gone on and on. I had to call it quits and just write the article. In the process of trying to wrap my head around everything that happened in Ethiopia, my heart was so deeply moved. It was more than just being inspired, I felt drawn in. I wanted to know more and more. I became consumed with the work that had been and could still be done in Ethiopia. And I was inspired by our brothers and sisters in Christ who traveled to do the work.
I couldn't include all the stories that I heard into the GO Journal article. No doubt those that I heard were still only a fraction of what happened in Ethiopia. Columbus Heard shared some of his experiences with me. Only weeks earlier, he had been separated from these people by a vast ocean, yet God eliminated that barrier and built intimate moments through his grace and love - and the willingness of this man to go. By the power of the Holy Spirit, they spoke of agape love over food in one family's house. He talked with a man about what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ while he was at his workplace. He bought them Bibles with the understanding that they would read it, study it, and share it. He discovered the compassion of the Ethiopian people in the marketplace when they wouldn't take money from a man who appeared to be mute. Columbus walked the streets as he felt led by the Spirit, and God was glorified. What I learned from the stories Columbus shared is that the Spirit leads where there is need - in unexpected, unplanned moments. God displays that He is sovereign in any and every moment. To be a part of the work we need only put ourselves aside. Then miraculous things happen in the small moments. God's saving work does not occur on our schedule. He will reach His children wherever they are, whenever they are, right where they are.
I have been continually moved by the spirit of Paulos Assefa, for his great love for Christ and vision for helping the people of his homeland. He has said little about himself in the short time that I have known him, yet his life speaks volumes above his words. Time and time again he has made decisions for him and his family based on his faith in Christ. I love hearing about moments when a person decides to just go, regardless of resources or understanding and without a plan or a roadmap. They just get in the car and see where the Spirit leads them. In a moment like that, Paulos found himself at OBC. He was an answer to a prayer; a connection to Ethiopia. His humility and faith have made him clay in the Potter's hands. When I first spoke with him, he said, "I'm nothing aside from God, so why should I worry?...If it is God's will, then it will happen." I imagine that if Paulos reads this article, he may be embarrassed because I have written so much about him. However, his life, as it demonstrates his faith, spoke loudly to me about stepping out a limb based on your trust in God and not your own vision or understanding. God's faithfulness is evident in Paulos' life, and through that God is glorified.
As I sat in on the team's reflective meeting on May 17th, it struck me how writing the article for the GO Journal had been more of a journey than an assignment. I felt as though I had been led through the story, rather than having chased it. In the last couple of years as my faith has become so much more about Christ and less about me, it is apparent that the opportunity to go - whether overseas or across the street - is more of a privilege than a duty. By the beautiful ministry of reconciliation are we saved. To this ministry we are called. It is a divine task laid out to an undeserving people by the grace and Almighty hand of God. Amazingly, our loving and faithful God goes before us to prepare those whom He will redeem. I can think of no task greater, no task more deserving, and no privilege more humbling.
The OBC African Missions Team is comprised of some wonderful souls. I'm inspired by the way God moves through their lives and the way they yield themselves to God's will. I still cannot appropriately tell their stories in such a small amount of space. For me, the journey that began and concluded with the article was only an introduction. I recognized that this was an answer to a prayer. In short, I had been asking God to be a part of missions work for over a year but wasn't sure how I could be used or how it would be possible to be involved - so I gladly joined the team, and though I have no idea what my role will be, if it is God's will then it will happen.
When Cindy Kittler, who edits the GO Journal, and I brainstormed the subject matter for the article, the initial idea was to compile short testimonies from several of the mission team members into one article. What came of that effort was a bit of a snowball effect. I sent out an email to all the team members, a few responded, I sat and spoke with Columbus Heard, spoke with Pastor Rex Bonar on the phone, then spoke in person with Paulos Assefa, sat in on their reflective meeting....quite honestly, it could have gone on and on. I had to call it quits and just write the article. In the process of trying to wrap my head around everything that happened in Ethiopia, my heart was so deeply moved. It was more than just being inspired, I felt drawn in. I wanted to know more and more. I became consumed with the work that had been and could still be done in Ethiopia. And I was inspired by our brothers and sisters in Christ who traveled to do the work.
I couldn't include all the stories that I heard into the GO Journal article. No doubt those that I heard were still only a fraction of what happened in Ethiopia. Columbus Heard shared some of his experiences with me. Only weeks earlier, he had been separated from these people by a vast ocean, yet God eliminated that barrier and built intimate moments through his grace and love - and the willingness of this man to go. By the power of the Holy Spirit, they spoke of agape love over food in one family's house. He talked with a man about what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ while he was at his workplace. He bought them Bibles with the understanding that they would read it, study it, and share it. He discovered the compassion of the Ethiopian people in the marketplace when they wouldn't take money from a man who appeared to be mute. Columbus walked the streets as he felt led by the Spirit, and God was glorified. What I learned from the stories Columbus shared is that the Spirit leads where there is need - in unexpected, unplanned moments. God displays that He is sovereign in any and every moment. To be a part of the work we need only put ourselves aside. Then miraculous things happen in the small moments. God's saving work does not occur on our schedule. He will reach His children wherever they are, whenever they are, right where they are.
I have been continually moved by the spirit of Paulos Assefa, for his great love for Christ and vision for helping the people of his homeland. He has said little about himself in the short time that I have known him, yet his life speaks volumes above his words. Time and time again he has made decisions for him and his family based on his faith in Christ. I love hearing about moments when a person decides to just go, regardless of resources or understanding and without a plan or a roadmap. They just get in the car and see where the Spirit leads them. In a moment like that, Paulos found himself at OBC. He was an answer to a prayer; a connection to Ethiopia. His humility and faith have made him clay in the Potter's hands. When I first spoke with him, he said, "I'm nothing aside from God, so why should I worry?...If it is God's will, then it will happen." I imagine that if Paulos reads this article, he may be embarrassed because I have written so much about him. However, his life, as it demonstrates his faith, spoke loudly to me about stepping out a limb based on your trust in God and not your own vision or understanding. God's faithfulness is evident in Paulos' life, and through that God is glorified.
As I sat in on the team's reflective meeting on May 17th, it struck me how writing the article for the GO Journal had been more of a journey than an assignment. I felt as though I had been led through the story, rather than having chased it. In the last couple of years as my faith has become so much more about Christ and less about me, it is apparent that the opportunity to go - whether overseas or across the street - is more of a privilege than a duty. By the beautiful ministry of reconciliation are we saved. To this ministry we are called. It is a divine task laid out to an undeserving people by the grace and Almighty hand of God. Amazingly, our loving and faithful God goes before us to prepare those whom He will redeem. I can think of no task greater, no task more deserving, and no privilege more humbling.
The OBC African Missions Team is comprised of some wonderful souls. I'm inspired by the way God moves through their lives and the way they yield themselves to God's will. I still cannot appropriately tell their stories in such a small amount of space. For me, the journey that began and concluded with the article was only an introduction. I recognized that this was an answer to a prayer. In short, I had been asking God to be a part of missions work for over a year but wasn't sure how I could be used or how it would be possible to be involved - so I gladly joined the team, and though I have no idea what my role will be, if it is God's will then it will happen.
Insanity & Peace - the war that rages within - May 26, 2010
In the midst of the battle that rages within me, God speaks clearly. My mind reels with thoughts of my unworthiness, my sinfulness, and self-doubt - not only in regards to what I do or how I behave but who I am because of Christ. "How could God love you? Look at how horrible you are," rages within at times.
I will spare you the details of this battle that pains me; this battle that sometimes I feel will be the end of me. (Dramatic as that is.) But God is faithful and good.
"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiatino fro our sins."
1 John 4:10
God does not love me because I love Him. He does not love me because I am good (or not). God is love. He is light. There is no darkness in him at all. (1 John 1:5)
Furthermore, I am a child of God. He promises this to those who believe in Jesus Christ.
I struggle sometimes. Boy, do I struggle. Sometimes my only hope is in Christ. As I struggle to be better, to follow his way, to be good, He is my only hope. And in that, God gets the glory.
"'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so tht the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak. Then I am strong."
2 Cor 12:9-10
In my weakness, God's power is perfect. That's truly incredible and beautiful, and yet because of pride, that's a difficult place to be in.
The most beautiful message I've received at this time, is that I don't have to be anything more than I am.
Sometimes I try so hard. I try to be good. I try to be happy and love and this and that. It's not that I don't feel happy or love, but I don't rest in the peace that I am enough as I am. That is exhausting.
If God counts me as a child of God, what more could I possibly be?
I don't need to entertain. I don't need to be everything for someone else. I don't need to feel inadequate, which causes me to second guess everything I do and say. I don't need to put the pressure on myself that I should be trying harder still.
If God counts me as a child of God, what more could I possibly be?
"But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God."
John 1:12-13
I will spare you the details of this battle that pains me; this battle that sometimes I feel will be the end of me. (Dramatic as that is.) But God is faithful and good.
"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiatino fro our sins."
1 John 4:10
God does not love me because I love Him. He does not love me because I am good (or not). God is love. He is light. There is no darkness in him at all. (1 John 1:5)
Furthermore, I am a child of God. He promises this to those who believe in Jesus Christ.
I struggle sometimes. Boy, do I struggle. Sometimes my only hope is in Christ. As I struggle to be better, to follow his way, to be good, He is my only hope. And in that, God gets the glory.
"'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so tht the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak. Then I am strong."
2 Cor 12:9-10
In my weakness, God's power is perfect. That's truly incredible and beautiful, and yet because of pride, that's a difficult place to be in.
The most beautiful message I've received at this time, is that I don't have to be anything more than I am.
Sometimes I try so hard. I try to be good. I try to be happy and love and this and that. It's not that I don't feel happy or love, but I don't rest in the peace that I am enough as I am. That is exhausting.
If God counts me as a child of God, what more could I possibly be?
I don't need to entertain. I don't need to be everything for someone else. I don't need to feel inadequate, which causes me to second guess everything I do and say. I don't need to put the pressure on myself that I should be trying harder still.
If God counts me as a child of God, what more could I possibly be?
"But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God."
John 1:12-13
Overtime Overdrive & the Beauty of 2 Corinthians - May 13, 2010
It seems like a very busy time.
I've decided that in order to get anything done...or rather for me to complete anything, in general...I have to put myself on a deadline. Once I had begun to map out this deadline timeline I realized that there is always a lot to do. It is in these times that I remember that it's especially important to mentally slow down and focus on God's grace and His purpose for my life.
I'm making my way through 2 Corinthians again. It is such a beautiful reminder of the reason we are here. I love its message. So rather than get wrapped up in my crazy mental ramblings, I'll just leave these beautiful messages here.
2 Cor 1:21-22 And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.
2 Cor 3:3 And you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
2 Cor 4:6 For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
2 Cor 5:18-21 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconcilied to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
2 Cor 8:14 your abundance at the present time should supply their need, so that their abundance may supply your need, that there may be fairness.
2 Cor 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.
2 Cor 9:11 You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way.
2 Cor 7-10 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded witht the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I love God's Word.
I've decided that in order to get anything done...or rather for me to complete anything, in general...I have to put myself on a deadline. Once I had begun to map out this deadline timeline I realized that there is always a lot to do. It is in these times that I remember that it's especially important to mentally slow down and focus on God's grace and His purpose for my life.
I'm making my way through 2 Corinthians again. It is such a beautiful reminder of the reason we are here. I love its message. So rather than get wrapped up in my crazy mental ramblings, I'll just leave these beautiful messages here.
2 Cor 1:21-22 And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.
2 Cor 3:3 And you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
2 Cor 4:6 For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
2 Cor 5:18-21 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconcilied to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
2 Cor 8:14 your abundance at the present time should supply their need, so that their abundance may supply your need, that there may be fairness.
2 Cor 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.
2 Cor 9:11 You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way.
2 Cor 7-10 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded witht the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I love God's Word.
Slow Down, Show Grace - James 1:19 - Feb 3, 2010
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
James 1:19
I watched a sermon by Francis Chan about this yesterday. We are so bombarded with incoming information that we are encouraged or even expected to quickly respond to. Sometimes it's people in person. Sometimes it's on the phone or internet. We always quickly shoot a response back, as though we were ready in advance. We speak quickly, sometimes almost before the other person is done speaking. We quickly return emails or text messages. I don't know anyone who really stops and thinks before responding. Really, I don't.
Part of this is rooted in pride. Well, I believe all sin is rooted in pride. However, the desire to be heard more than to listen is pretty undeniably pride. I do this all the time. Sometimes I feel like my brain has already processed what the other person is saying, and since I feel I don't need any more information from them, it's my turn to talk. Wow. Of course, I don't think it in so many words, but that's basically it. Your turn, my turn, your turn, my turn... The scary part is if we are quick to speak, we are also quick to become angry. I know that I need to work on my patience and tolerance. It would be safe to say that it's all stemming from my pride.
I'm reminded by Francis that we should be more interested in listening, in waiting for the other person to speak out of genuine interest. "I really want to hear what's on your heart or mind." How often do we really try to understand someone else - not just what they're saying but what's behind what they're saying? I should be listening first, for the message and for their heart. Doesn't that make perfect sense? Yet most of us don't even think about doing that.
I talk too much. That's the bottom line. So my focus now is to listen. When I speak, it should be with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience (Colossians 3:12) - not out of some selfish need to be heard.
James 1:19
I watched a sermon by Francis Chan about this yesterday. We are so bombarded with incoming information that we are encouraged or even expected to quickly respond to. Sometimes it's people in person. Sometimes it's on the phone or internet. We always quickly shoot a response back, as though we were ready in advance. We speak quickly, sometimes almost before the other person is done speaking. We quickly return emails or text messages. I don't know anyone who really stops and thinks before responding. Really, I don't.
Part of this is rooted in pride. Well, I believe all sin is rooted in pride. However, the desire to be heard more than to listen is pretty undeniably pride. I do this all the time. Sometimes I feel like my brain has already processed what the other person is saying, and since I feel I don't need any more information from them, it's my turn to talk. Wow. Of course, I don't think it in so many words, but that's basically it. Your turn, my turn, your turn, my turn... The scary part is if we are quick to speak, we are also quick to become angry. I know that I need to work on my patience and tolerance. It would be safe to say that it's all stemming from my pride.
I'm reminded by Francis that we should be more interested in listening, in waiting for the other person to speak out of genuine interest. "I really want to hear what's on your heart or mind." How often do we really try to understand someone else - not just what they're saying but what's behind what they're saying? I should be listening first, for the message and for their heart. Doesn't that make perfect sense? Yet most of us don't even think about doing that.
I talk too much. That's the bottom line. So my focus now is to listen. When I speak, it should be with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience (Colossians 3:12) - not out of some selfish need to be heard.
I desire mercy, not sacrifice (Matthew 12:7) - Jan 15, 2010
This passage hit home with me. For some reason it seems more noble or worthy to sacrifice - sacrifice our time, habits, money, hobbies, etc. But Jesus reminds us what God truly asks of us. So how do I measure up?
When someone upsets me, do I show mercy? When someone does something I don't approve of, do I show mercy? When I feel offended or betrayed, do I show mercy?
What right do I have to show anything else but mercy?
God is endlessly merciful to me. We are to then be merciful to one another. It is the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant. (Matthew 18:21-35) Jesus has canceled our debts - not so that we would then make life more difficult for others or become a stumbling block to their faith.
Therefore, let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. (Romans 14:13)
Sadly, I find it easier to be merciful to those whom I do not know. My new focus is to be extra attentive in showing mercy to my most cherished - my family and dearest friends. Particularly my husband. They deserve it above all others.
When someone upsets me, do I show mercy? When someone does something I don't approve of, do I show mercy? When I feel offended or betrayed, do I show mercy?
What right do I have to show anything else but mercy?
God is endlessly merciful to me. We are to then be merciful to one another. It is the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant. (Matthew 18:21-35) Jesus has canceled our debts - not so that we would then make life more difficult for others or become a stumbling block to their faith.
Therefore, let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. (Romans 14:13)
Sadly, I find it easier to be merciful to those whom I do not know. My new focus is to be extra attentive in showing mercy to my most cherished - my family and dearest friends. Particularly my husband. They deserve it above all others.
30 Years Old & Yet Just a Child - Jan 14, 2010
I wish I was wiser. I wish I had bloomed earlier. I wish that in my young adulthood I had felt the need to draw near to God as much as I felt the need to be analytical - for pride's sake.
But these and other similar wishes mean less and less to me as time goes by. Praise God for that. It is for God's glory that all things have happened and will happen in their time. If I had submitted my life to Him any sooner, I certainly wouldn't be where I am.
And so, here I am, 30 years old and still a child. I have grown so much but have so much still to learn. I'm honestly not sure when I won't feel like a child - not when I consider the distance between me and God. I pray that I will always feel like a child.
Lately, I draw near to God as I realize my complete dependency on Him and His incommunicable attributes - as C.J. Mahaney puts beautifully in Humility: True Greatness. I've had to admit to myself in the last couple of weeks that I am an addict. We all are. We all have a weakness, a vice, an addiction to something in our lives. We are addicted to entertainment, comfort, ease, convenience, materials, appearances, ....and chocolate. : ) These addictions keep us from fulfilling God's purpose for us. They bind us and weaken us. We develop odd and sick dependencies on lies. I've told myself my entire life that I don't have an addictive personality - because I'm not addicted to drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc. However, a couple of weeks ago I had to admit to myself that my addiction is a combination of lies the world feeds us. Fully aware of the lies, I fall prey to them anyway. It's fairly easy in our society to get sucked into the media/celebrity frenzy, the hair/makeup/clothes competition, or the I'm-not-good-enough self-doubt. If we're not particularly careful, we're bombarded by these messages. Satan has a strong hold on our mass media, and it filters beautifully into our private lives. It's so sad.
So, that day I stepped into the shower an admitted addict, and I let the reality of that wash over me and begin to heal me. The difference between acknowledging that changes need to be made and admitting that you're an addict of a sort is that as an addict you have to acknowledge that the future will hold an extra level of difficulty in order to break the addiction. There's more room for backsliding if you're simply trying to make changes, as long as you move forward again. But with an addiction, you need to cut the monster out. I think if we're being honest with ourselves, the changes we need to make all stem from our crazy addictions. The difference is admitting that we have one.
The phrase that got to me the day that I admitted my addiction was, "remember the children." I may not make changes in my life for myself. I may not even necessarily make them for another adult. But I would do anything if it would be for the benefit of a child. For them, I'll admit my addiction, suffer through the withdrawal, and drudge through the process of establishing new habits.
The only addiction I want in my life is a strong addiction for God. I hope to always be hungry for His word and yearning for His Spirit. I pray to expend every effort, every talent, every breath in service to and love of my Savior. May I never feel inadequate or insignificant. Those are prideful emotions after all because what it means is I'm putting myself (my comfort, popularity, needs, etc.) before God. Those emotions are also a sign that I am believing the lies before God's truth.
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)
Be encouraged. God has and will overcome.
There is much work to be done, and it is not about me. That realization is incredibly freeing.
Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22)
Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you - guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us. (2 Timothy 1:14)
But these and other similar wishes mean less and less to me as time goes by. Praise God for that. It is for God's glory that all things have happened and will happen in their time. If I had submitted my life to Him any sooner, I certainly wouldn't be where I am.
And so, here I am, 30 years old and still a child. I have grown so much but have so much still to learn. I'm honestly not sure when I won't feel like a child - not when I consider the distance between me and God. I pray that I will always feel like a child.
Lately, I draw near to God as I realize my complete dependency on Him and His incommunicable attributes - as C.J. Mahaney puts beautifully in Humility: True Greatness. I've had to admit to myself in the last couple of weeks that I am an addict. We all are. We all have a weakness, a vice, an addiction to something in our lives. We are addicted to entertainment, comfort, ease, convenience, materials, appearances, ....and chocolate. : ) These addictions keep us from fulfilling God's purpose for us. They bind us and weaken us. We develop odd and sick dependencies on lies. I've told myself my entire life that I don't have an addictive personality - because I'm not addicted to drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc. However, a couple of weeks ago I had to admit to myself that my addiction is a combination of lies the world feeds us. Fully aware of the lies, I fall prey to them anyway. It's fairly easy in our society to get sucked into the media/celebrity frenzy, the hair/makeup/clothes competition, or the I'm-not-good-enough self-doubt. If we're not particularly careful, we're bombarded by these messages. Satan has a strong hold on our mass media, and it filters beautifully into our private lives. It's so sad.
So, that day I stepped into the shower an admitted addict, and I let the reality of that wash over me and begin to heal me. The difference between acknowledging that changes need to be made and admitting that you're an addict of a sort is that as an addict you have to acknowledge that the future will hold an extra level of difficulty in order to break the addiction. There's more room for backsliding if you're simply trying to make changes, as long as you move forward again. But with an addiction, you need to cut the monster out. I think if we're being honest with ourselves, the changes we need to make all stem from our crazy addictions. The difference is admitting that we have one.
The phrase that got to me the day that I admitted my addiction was, "remember the children." I may not make changes in my life for myself. I may not even necessarily make them for another adult. But I would do anything if it would be for the benefit of a child. For them, I'll admit my addiction, suffer through the withdrawal, and drudge through the process of establishing new habits.
The only addiction I want in my life is a strong addiction for God. I hope to always be hungry for His word and yearning for His Spirit. I pray to expend every effort, every talent, every breath in service to and love of my Savior. May I never feel inadequate or insignificant. Those are prideful emotions after all because what it means is I'm putting myself (my comfort, popularity, needs, etc.) before God. Those emotions are also a sign that I am believing the lies before God's truth.
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)
Be encouraged. God has and will overcome.
There is much work to be done, and it is not about me. That realization is incredibly freeing.
Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22)
Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you - guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us. (2 Timothy 1:14)
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