It's easy for me to get caught up in myself. My first reaction is often concern for myself - will I be liked; am I being appreciated; have I gained so-and-so's approval; will this be a good use of my time and talents...
As you can see, I have a problem with being success-driven or needing to be liked.
To be fair, I am getting better. Sometimes I don't have to weed through my natural reaction of self-centeredness. I can start directly from God's love for that person. But sometimes I have to weed through my own feelings and pray for God to help me love that person as He does. It depends on whether I feel threatened or not, quite honestly.
Last night, I had a wonderful opportunity to meet someone that I had been wanting to meet. In all honesty, I was wondering if I would feel threatened. Left to my own devices, I would struggle with that. However, I prayed that my heart would be changed; that there would be no remnant of self-centeredness which leads to jealousy. Lord, let me love that person as You do and know in my heart that You want this person to love You. It's the life changing love and message of Christ's Gospel. It's beautiful.
God has changed my heart. When I think of this person, I don't think of myself. My heart actually swells a bit. I want this person to know and love God. That is the best thing I can offer to anyone - the joy, peace and love that comes from God alone. I pray that God would draw me into a closer relationship with this person, in hopes that He will be glorified through it. I can only do that by submitting to Him and seeking His heart in all circumstances.
The bottom line is that my love cannot be conditional - based on whether or not I feel threatened. My love, the kind that makes a heart swell and not ache, must come from God's love for this person. And really, that love benefits everyone. Everyone, and I'm including myself, feels better. Everyone wins because God's way is good. It is truth - the only truth, and the only way that truly saves.
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