I'm feeling numb lately. Well, that's not entirely true. I'm feeling spiritually numb while I worry about things that are not within my control. At the same time, I know that my family is enormously blessed. We're going through this time of change and moving forward. I know that all the things happening are good. Why is it that I have a more difficult time accepting that good things are happening than accepting the bad?
I'd like to partially chalk it up to pregnancy. Our bodies have a way of making it blatantly clear just how weak we are. I feel drained...of everything. Since I feel drained, I am drained physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Yet I know that God can make Himself known to pregnant women. And He is but not in a feel-good kind of way. Through the blessing of this pregnancy, through our marriage, and a future job transition which will put me right where I need to be to do the work I have dreamed of doing, He is making Himself very apparent. We are abundantly blessed.
What do I do in thanks? What have I done? I have not spent more time with God. I have spent less with Him. I have not even thanked Him appropriately. He works for all good things in my life, and I'm half asleep. I'm annoyed with my lack of zeal and thanksgiving.
God is merciful, and in this time where my brain is foggy and my body half asleep He continues to bless me and forgive me. Lord, please forgive me.
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